I want a blog too!
I've funny and insightful things to say, and lots of inappropriate drivel also. I'm PERFECT for blogging!
I've noticed that most of my favorite bloggers obsess on something (somewhat) etherial, such as zombies or unicorns. I shall here-to-for find a way to slide Aliens into my blog.
Here we go.
Back in, like 1999 or so, Giant Eagle moved into my neighborhood. They were filling the gaping grocery hole left by Big Bear (I know, right... what is it with food stores named after sizable animals... Food Lion is another example, though they don't tell us how LARGE the lion is... perhaps it is just a tiny lion, made of
sausages and toothpicks with sprouts for a mane... but I digress..). So Giant Eagle arrives with great fanfare, and they send everyone in the area their Giant Eagle Perks card. This was the first exposure I had to a rewards card of any sort. My BFF, Jess was visiting when I opened my mailer. vienna
Jess: "What is THAT?"
Me: "New grocery store. I guess you use this thing when you buy stuff and you get extra discounts.."
Jess: "Ok, wait. So you use that thing, then they track EVERYTHING you buy and when?"
Me: "It sounds creepy when you say it like that... But yes, I guess so."
Jess: "Well, I guess it's a good thing. That way, the Aliens will know what to feed us."
Me: with a horrified stare, "Omigod. You're right. You know what this is? GIANT EVIL!"
Yes, that's right. Giant Evil. And I avoided that store like the plague for YEARS. Then CVS did the card, and Kroger did the card, then I was desensitized. Then I discovered the Giant Eagle FuelPerks. Last week, I bought my tank of gas for $1.46/gal.
Stupid Americans. Those dumb bitches will do ANYTHING for GAS!
But, at least our alien overlords will know that I like Dunkin' Donuts coffee, garlic hummus with little carrots and that I feed my kids omelets with ham and broccoli like twice a week. And XXX Vitamin water. They'll have lots for me. Maybe this is proof that they are somewhat benevolent. Remember that song "Pets" by Porno for Pyros?
Yeah bitches. It's like THAT!